Still a teenager?!

Here you see the picture of Sam's blogspot profile and yes it's a cartoon (fitting?)!
http://sam-tom-blog.blogspot.com/


I don't know if you know the run 'the simpsons' , yeah well... it's a picture of Homer Simpson & Tony Hawk, who are skateting. Actually the're skating in the sky ( it's a cartoon, there you can do what you want ). Looks like they both want to win a competition, because they both look very determined, don't they?! I don't know what I should think about this picture! Does it really fit to Sam? No, I don't think so. It's more fitting to the 'old' Sam, it's too childish for him. This picture could have fit to this guy I met at mum's birtday party the first time! But now... so much has happened. He has grown up, he has become an adult!

Somethin' stupid ! - chapter 19

I hate him ... and I still love him. My relationship with Sam is so difficult. I know he only sees a friend in me. And yeah he's also a good friend ... and more for me! He was such an important person for me. He always respected my decision, for example not want to go to college, for example to keep the baby, for example to live together! And now he isn't mine anymore and it's so... so hard to think about a live without him on my side. And it's that I don't only loose him, do I? No, I loose also my dream to be a family. What does he think we should go on with Roof?! He stays with me, that's for sure! He'll miss his dad when we'll live separately. But I'm sure Sam is there for him whenever he needs him. :) And for me?! I hope, I still could call him, if I have a problem. You know just as a firend?! If I could see him as that! We'll see what will happen in the future! You know hopping the best ... but accepting the worst! ;)

Don't like reality - chapter 18

Okay, I think I'll loose Sam for a while! And I miss him already. It's so strange I really thought, that we could be a family and I hoped that we're together forever. But I'm happy that Roof hasn't lost his father. How I know? Sam came round to see Roof today. He was very angry, and then I also got very angry. Haha. But we sad down with my mum and a cup of tea and then Sam begun to talk, about a Prime minister's report and bout fathers who lose touch with their childrens. And Sam, he was so desperate about may losing touch with Roof! I hope now you know what I've meant. He stays with Roof but he leaves me. But I don't want to split up with Sam! Sure I know that it's maybe the best for our relationship, if we split up for a while?! But we have to stay together. Look our past had been so difficult, even now it's difficult, but we solved the problems together. That's connecting!

I'll never understand him! - chapter 17

Can I trust him? I mean sure I trust sam, but isn't it weird?! One week ago Sam got a heavy cold. We decided it would be the best for Roof and for me if Sam slept in an other room. So Sam said he could slep in his own bedroom for one night. And I tought, well... for one night, that's not long, it's okay! ... And now?! Sam is still not here.Whenever he comes round to see Roof we asked if he felt better, but every time he ansered, no! As I already said, weird! How could that be? Maybe he has the flu, a virus, or ... ooh I don't know? To be honest I'm worrying about the situation. What if he'll never come back to live with us?! Or if he runs away like on his trip to hastings? What is if he leaves Roof and me. I love Sam and I love my life with him and Roof, really. I don't want to loose him.

Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life. - chapter 15

What does he think who he his? A superstar* ?! Not Roof's father! But hey surprise, surprise he is defently his father. Or... yeah, maybe I had sex before I slept with Sam and didn't get it! He's so stupid, he talks without thinking. And this fucked up guy Jason Gerson can't be Roof's dad, because if I had sex with him, I must have had an elevenmonth pregnancy! But it's not only, that he doesen't trust me, it's more that I'm the idiot of the whole story. Look, he and is mum think I've messed up Sam's life. But what the hell has changed for him?! He comes out every day. He goes to college, meets other people that aren't my parents, me or ... Roof. And I?! Today the longest way I went was a journey into the kitchen. And for what?! To eat! I get fat. Every day I were a track suit but for whom I should make myself pretty?! I mean I love my life with Sam and Roof, no question, but I expected to be a family would be different. But life isn't like a Hollywood blockbuste, is it?!n the end I calmed down and we huged and kissed a little bit. :)


* Maybe you'll ask, why a superstar? Where did this girl get that from? Here's a hint: Stars have always sex with every girl. They have thousands of childrens and then they say, 'Oh no that isn't my child. That's impossible, I have never seen that girl before and I never had sex with Alex.' Haha, too funny ;D

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it. - chapter 14

So now we're parents. I don't know how to describe thie feeling. But if you have a child I'm sure you know how I feel. I think I did a pretty good job apart from calling everyone name's who was next to me. ;) I think Sam did also a good job, I mean he had not very much to do, but he stayed cool. It felt good to have him next to me! Rufus is so cute. Mum & Dad said that he looks like me, but I think he looks like his father and I'm really happy about that. Now a new phase of my, of out life has started and I'm excited what will happen in the future!

My feelings of Sam - chapter 13

I don't know if you're surprised if I say that I'm happy to get a baby. And I don't know if you're surprised if I say that I'm glad Sam is the father! But I'm sure you're surprised (and I don't know how good you know me yet) if I say that school doesn't matter for the two of us! Okay I'm not sure if Sam feels the same way, I know he doesen't but I'm really not interested in school or college. Sounds naive?! Yeah maybe but calm down, when Roof is born I'll stay one year at home, then I'll go to college. I'm so excited I like the idea of being a family, of being together with Sam! I LOVE SAM :D

Am I disappointed? - chapter 12

When I was pregnant I thought, that things were going to happen differently.
For example:
- I would live together with Sam.
- Sam would also take some responsibility.
- I would be happy with my life! :(
But the truth is that we don't live together and Sam isn't really interested in me or his son! Yeah, I know ... shit happened! Sometimes he comes round to see Rufus. Like today. I've asked him to take Roof to his jab, but he seemed so confused. To be honest I'm scared of Roof when he's out with his dad. Because Sam doesn't really look after him. Last time they were together I could take Roof to hospital! Yeah I know that doesn't sounds very good. Isn't it funny that my dad thought people like Sam or his family would never go to college? He expected that I would go for sure. Now Sam goes to college and I have no good education. It's not that I'm jealous! No, I never wanted to go to college. And I love Roof - I love him so much! But it's that, that Sam is free. He has only the responsibility of himself. But I'm responsible for the two of us. Rufus and me. But I hope Sam is fine. I still love him. He's still part of my life!

We're family! :) - chapter 11

We're going to be a family: Sam, the baby an I. I like this mind! We're going to live togther in my room. I think Sam doesen't like this idea very much but we decided that it's only fair. All the work: look after the baby; get up at night, when it cries ; feed the baby... And to be honest I want Sam next to me. I don't trust him. Maybe he freaks out again and runs away again ?! And if he lives with me I can see how he feels! I don't want to lose him again. I loved him although he ran away to Hastings, I still love him, and I will love him tomorrow and the day after tomorrow....

The pregnancy means ... ? - chapter 10

Sam and I were at a NCT- class. I had to say what the pragnancy means to me.
Well ... here is my list:

- The first weeks are going to be bad because I'm pretty solidly ill all the time ! :(
- It's going to be hard in school because the pupils are going to slag about me !!!
- I'm going to be together with Sam. :)
- I have to get ready to be an adult or learn to be responsible.
- And: Last but not least being hungry all the time. :D

New or old love?! - chapter 10

It's so strange to know that I'm going to be a mother. And to be honest I still think this thought is strange. But I'm glad Sam is with me. We went together to hospital to scan the baby. And then... on the way home we kissed each other for the first time after we separated from each other. Sounds weird, doesn't it?! I think I fall in love with Sam again. And... I like it. And he likes it. We'll know each other for the rest of our live and he said he liked this mind. That's great!

On the way back home from hospital we walked hand in hand, good sign! :)

Now it comes out! - chapter 9

So I talked to Sam. I wasn't that cool or funny to say 'Congratulations you're going to be a father. Actually one of the youngest father of the world'. No. I started crying even he hadn't opened the door and I think he did imagine what that meant because he wasn't very surprised, when I said that I'm pregnant. I'm glad Sam stayed cool enough not to cry or to freak out because this calm me a little bit down. And he didn't freak out, when I said that I want to keep the baby. I wondered because I expected he would.But that's a thing I've already made my decision. I can't kill my own baby, it's already a human being. And I don't think , that you would go and kill your parents or your siblings, wouldn't you? And he accepts this, even he wouldn't keep the baby. I was too chicken to say my parents, that I'm pregnant and I asked Sam if we could do it together. So it comes that we talked to my parents the next day. And to make a long story short they weren't very thrilled. No, they weren't! They freaked out, but I can't blame them for that. And then we went all together to say it Sam's mum. And she?! She tried to persuade me to abort. But I can't. I can't. I can't! Why can't they accept this? I know that they're worried about Sam's and my future. But I still want to finish school. I know I can handle it!

Sam is lost. - chapter 8

Okay now I'm really worried about Sam. Where is he? Even his mother called me and asked whether Sam is with me. But he isn't. So did he only ran away or has he been kidnapped. I think he ran away, because this is normal for him. As I had seen the day before. Maybe he wants to be alone for some days and want to think about the situation. I don't think that he want to keep away for ever. He couldn't do that, could he?! I hope he is only confused and that he comes round the next days. It's so unfair he wants to run, so he did, and I?! I can't simply run away, how? Yeah I know it's unpossibly. But I need someone to talk to and Sam is the only one person who knows that I'm pregnant. Okay correct myself. He doesn't even know that I'm pregnant. Fuck you Sam!

Sam the chicken! - chapter 7

Where is Sam?! Why did he run away and left me alone with the pregnancy test? He is so irresponsible. What kind of a childhood is it when I have to say to our child, that his dad isn't here when it's getting serious. Maybe it's better when our child only grow up by me and not by us both. But that's not fair, because it was our both mistake. What should I do? I think it's the best when I go and visit Sam the next day. We have to talk to each other! Quickly! Because I'm so scared and desperate, don't know what to do. Talk to my parents? Alone?! It's suicide!

I can't read his mind ! - chapter 6

Live is weird, because I wanted to become a model and Sam didn't want to be together with me. Now we're parents and live together in my room. But sometimes Sam don't behave like a father. For example the night before: We woke up because Roof cried. And Sam?! It was his turn, but he stayed in bed! So I had to explain, what he had to do, to calm Roof down. The next day he didn't behave much better. I know that he don't want to be a father and that he don't want to be together with me. But it was our both fault and konw we have to live with the consequences. Even though so he don't want to be a father he still loves me ( hopefully ) and with being father he will get used to it!

Live sucks - chapter 5

Holy crap. I may be pregnant. My parents gonna kill me. Shit, shit ,shit... I'm only sixteen, I don't want to have a baby yet. But I can't abort the pregnancy, can I? No, I don't want to be responsible for the death of my own baby. I have to talk to someone and... where is Sam actually?

Does Sam still love me??? - chapter 4

I don't know what I've done wrong. The last time Sam has become so rude. We don't see each other every day and when he comes over he don't say very much. Maybe it's because of my parents. Yeah, I think that's it. They invited Sam for lunch and it was horrible. They think that Sam is stupid and not good enough for me. It's certainly only a phase of Sam. In a few days or weeks he will become normal. Hopefully it's not too long, because it makes me sick, when he is unhappy! Is it possibly that I can feel his pain? Beccause if he's unhappy I'm too, if he's happy I'm too! There's such a big connection between us it's so wonderful.

...breath-taking ! - chapter 3

Sam is great. I'm so crazy about him, that it's like I can't breath, when we're are separate. Actually we're together the most time, so I'm very happy. He don't want to have only sex, like my ex-boyfreinds did. He wants to talk to me, he wants to get to know me. My favourite quality of him is, that he is honest, he says his opinion. But the best is that he also feels so, he also want to be together only with me! At one time he said that the whole day is waiting when he isn't with me, even the way to me is waiting. He's so cute. :)

He's sooo brilliant ♥ - chapter 2

The first time Sam looked at me, I tought he was like these boys, who only look at my outward appearance. So when we started talking I begun to make fun of him. But then it happend something, that was new to me. He finished our conversation, instead he wanted to go and talk to his mum. I found this idea silly, but then he said why he wanted to do that, because I treated him bad. Okay maybe he was right, but he treated me like all the ohter boys have already done. So I did what I always do. In the few minutes when I sat alone on the sofa, I tought of Sam. He was maybe not like the other guys. I decided to give him a second chance. After some minutes of talking we arranged that we would go to the cinema the next day. When Sam and his mum were gone I remembered that he hasn't got my mobile phone number. So I ran after Sam. The next day I waited that he call me, so I was happy when he did. Actually we wanted to go the cinema but then we ended up in a restaurant. I said him that I wanted to become a model, but later I felt stupid about that. Then we went to my house. And we talked about having sex but later I realized that he didn't want to have sex. He was ready to go but the I begun to cry, because I felt stupid and ridiculous about this conversation of modeling. He stayed and pulled his arms around me. He wanted to console me. And so it happened, that we had sex.